29 Funny Quotes by George Burns

Those who love George Burns, this is an amazing opportunity to read all the best funny quotes by George Burns in a single post.

1.

You forget to pull up your zipper, and finally, you forget to pull it all down.

-- George Burns

2.

Happiness? A fantastic cigar, a fantastic dinner, a great cigar, and also a fantastic woman -- a poor woman; it is dependent upon just how much enjoyment you can manage.

-- George Burns

3.

How to perish? I am reserved.

-- George Burns

4.

I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.

-- George Burns

5.

I can not afford to perish; I would lose a lot of income.

-- George Burns

6.

I check out the near future because that is where I will devote the remainder of my entire life.

-- George Burns

7.

In my age, I must continue to some thing.

-- George Burns

8.

I'd go out with women my age, however, there are not any women my age.

-- George Burns

9.

I am at the age now where only putting my cigar in its own holder is a joy.

-- George Burns

10.

I am extremely happy to be here. Let us face it, at my age I am extremely happy to become anywhere.

-- George Burns

1-1.

In case you ask what exactly is the single most crucial key to longevity, then I would need to express it's avoiding anxiety, anxiety, and anxiety. Of course if you did not ask mepersonally, I would still need to state this.

-- George Burns

1 2.

The difficulty is, I can not remember whether it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.

-- George Burns

1 3.

Lovely humorous saying of a retired man!

Retirement at sixtyfive is foolish. Once I had been sixtyfive, I still had pimples.

-- George Burns

14.

Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.

-- George Burns

1-5.

Too bad all of the men and women who understand just how to perform this country are busy running taxicabs or cutting hairloss.

-- George Burns

16.

After I had been a boy, then the Dead Sea was only sick.

-- George Burns

17.

You know you are getting old once you stoop to tie your own shoelaces and wonder what else you might do as you are down there.

-- George Burns

18.

I can not know just why I flunked history. After I was a young child, there is therefore little .

-- George Burns

1 9.

In case you are a smoker, then then that Hilarious saying will probably soon be an superb answer.

If asked in his late 90s, when his physician knew he smoked, Burns said,"No... he is dead"

-- George Burns

20.

You can find two sorts of cruises -- joy and kiddies.

-- George Burns

2 1.

Smartness runs in my own loved ones. As soon as I went into school I had been so smart my teacher has been in my class for five decades.

-- George Burns

2-2.

Old age is if you re sent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to see.

-- George Burns

2 3.

Love is much like a backache; it will not appear on xrays, nevertheless, you realize that it's there.

-- George Burns

2 4.

In days past, the ideal pain killer was icehockey; it was not addictive, and it had been especially effective when you poured some whiskey within it.

-- George Burns

25.

I really like to sing, also that I really like to drink scotch.

-- George Burns

26.

By the time you are eighty years of age, you've heard every thing. You merely need to consider it.

-- George Burns

27.

The bridge is a game that divides the men from the boys. Additionally, it divides wives and husbands.

-- George Burns

28.

Do not remain in bed, until you can make money in bed.

-- George Burns

2-9.

Exactly what goes up has to fall. However there is a time when not all that's down can come up.

-- George Burns